Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
