Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
