White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
