we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
