so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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