i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
