I think im going to throw up on grandma
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
