i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
