Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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