watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
