Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
