Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You pole danced in your parka.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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