His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
