I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
