someone threw a dead crab at me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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