K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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