His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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