I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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