I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
