I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize