i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
