Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
