He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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