Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
