What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
