I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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