I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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