guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
