were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
