I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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