I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
