finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
