the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
