Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
