Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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