My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
