I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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