Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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