; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
