3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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