When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
