Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
