I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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