I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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