I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
