I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
