I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
