I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
