so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
