everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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