she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
