I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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