I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
