I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
