JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
