I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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