Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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