Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
