I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
