did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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