I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
