She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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