Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
