You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
