You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
