if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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