Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
