My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
