Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
