God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
