I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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