I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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