I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize