You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
