Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
