is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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